The Absurd Box Cards Against Humanity Card List

The Absurd Box release date is on November 13, 2018,and makes the top of the list in CAH expansions. The game brings absurd and bizarre content, making it one of the most hilarious packs of all time. There are 300 brand-new cards in the Absurd Box, 42 black cards with 258 white cards, and for all of you who can barely wait to get theirs, read the card list below. 

After you finish reading the latest of Absurd box card list, take a look at our lovely Pokemon Against Humanity.

Absurd Box Black Cards List:

1. Ain’t it nifty? Barb and Bob hit 50! So get off your ass and raise a glass to 50 years of ______.
2. Duuuuuuude. You have got to go to space. ______ is awesome in space.
3. “Five,
   four,
   three,
   two,
   one….
   ______!”
4. For hunting in the King’s forest, I hereby sentence you to death by ______.
5. Give me ten good men and 48 hours. I’ll get you ______.
6. Goodbye, ______, hello _____!
7. “Hey, honey.
   For the bedroom, were you thinking “”Robin’s Egg Blue”” or ______Pink?”””
8. “I hate this job.
   I hate this place.
   Most of all, I hate ______.
   I quit.”
9. “I have solved politics.
   My solution is ______.”
10. I so drunk I ______.
11. I swear to God I’m gonna murder my husband if he doesn’t shut the fuck up about ______.
12. In bookstores now: “From ______ to ______: A memoir.”
13. In Radiohead’s new single, Thom Yorke repeats the phrase “______” dozens of times over a skittering drum beat.
14. It’s finally happening! I’m finally doing it! Yes! It’s time for ______!
15. It’s late at night. You’re in bed with your lover, Patrick Stewart. He leans over with a twinkle in his eye and asks “How about ______?”
16. “It’s the 21st century.
    A woman shouldn’t have to apologize for ______.”
17. Ladies and gentlemen, I propose a two-pronged plan. The first prong will be ______, and the second prong will be ______.
18. Live from Universal Studios, it’s America’s favorite game show! “______ or ______?”
19. Millions of copies sold! Donald Trump’s “The Art of _______.”
20. New at TGI Fridays! It’s what you’ve been waiting for: The ______ Burger.
21. “Oh no!
    Here it comes!
    Ohhhhh god!
    It’s ______!”
22. Oh you haaaaaaave to see this new documentary on Netflix. I don’t want to give anything away, but let’s just say it will change the way you look at ______.
23. Oh, the weather outside is frightful. But ______ is so delightful.
24. One, two, three and to the four, Snoop Doggy Dogg and Dr. Dre is ______.
25. Personal foul: ______. 15-yard penalty. Automatic first down.
26. Rub a dub dub, ______ in a tub!
27. Say it loud! I’m ______ and I’m proud!
28. Seriously guys, there’s nothing funny about ______.
29. Sweetheart, you and your sister excel in different ways. She’s got her violin, and you’ve got ______.
30. That’s bullshit! They can’t fire me for _______!
31. The sequel is here! Get ready for ______ 2: ______.
32. Times have changed, girlfriend. If you want to meet people in New York, you got to be down for _______.
33. Unfortunately, no one can be told what ______ is. You have to experience it for yourself.
34. What has my life become? I’m jerking off to a video called “co-ed absolutely destroyed by ______.”
35. What sounds great after four margaritas?
36. What’s hot, smelly, and about to die?
37. What’s secretly a Russian plot to destabilize the West?
38. “What’s up, YouTube?
    User DanTheMan wanted to see ______, so here we go.”
39. Why my mustache smell so bad?
40. “Yeah that’s so hot.
    I’m so close.
    Talk about ______ again!
    OH I’M CUMMING!”
41. You can call me David Copperfield, because I’m about to make ______ disappear.
42. You city folk would never understand the quiet dignity of _______.

Absurd Box White Cards List

1. …it is unclear.
2. A 12-foot scepter of bone.
3. A basketball that screams every time it gets bounced.
4. A bear.
5. A big hole.
6. A big hot fire that’s burning everybody.
7. A big, big, big, and I mean BIG big.
8. A big, sloppy blowjob from a mean, tired cowboy.
9. A bird that dies.
10. A bold red lip.
11. A button that when you press it, there’s jazz.
12. A cat with… hands.
13. A Christmas feast of goose and jellies.
14. A concerning amount of white people.
15. A couple of cold ones.
16. A crab rangoon.
17. A family of raccoons.
18. A four-hour depression nap.
19. A full-on panic attack.
20. A garbage clown who makes no one laugh and should die.
21. A hamburger on a string that keeps getting pulled away.
22. A hateful 30-year marriage.
23. A little boy with big dreams and potatoes for hands.
24. A little girl with a knife.
25. A little sewer girl strangling a pigeon.
26. A little taste of penis.
27. A magician fucking up over and over again.
28. A penis that gets too hard and explodes blood.
29. A piping-hot casserole filled with beans and hair.
30. A poop emergency.
31. A powerful philosopher named Brainhead.
32. A Pringle.
33. A racist boomerang that only comes back if you’re white.
34. A real cum-dumpster of a saxophonist.
35. A real job with insurance and your taxes taken out and everything.
36. A sticky tree hole full of pancake sauce.
37. A stinky hoo-ha.
38. A toothless woman gumming on a peach.
39. A urinary tract infection.
40. A vagina that beatboxes when it’s horny.
41. A whole different way of talking called Spanish.
42. Accusing a powerful man of sexual assault.
43. Acquiring a gun very easily.
44. Acting white.
45. All my dead sisters.
46. All types of girls, even ugly ones.
47. An 800-foot-long pool noodle.
48. An ambitious woman who wears pants.
49. An elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit.
50. Anything Asian.
51. As ass like a bag of pool balls.
52. Assembling IKEA furniture.
53. Beef.
54. Being hunted by giant eagles.
55. Being inside me.
56. Being seen reading Infinite Jest.
57. Being shitty to everyone and late for everything.
58. Big beefy baseball boys.
59. Big Italian women making the spicy sauce.
60. Bimpy, the small styrofoam ball we all jack off into.
61. Bipolar Disorder.
62. Blowing into the penis so that the balls inflate.
63. Blue smoke coming out of my anus.
64. Canada’s worst mangoes.
65. Carbs.
66. Carlos Santana’s horrible wailing guitar.
67. Certain things, but not others.
68. Chinese people.
69. Chowder.
70. Clearly asking for no cucumbers in my salad, and yet here we are.
71. Clippy from Microsoft Office.
72. Colluding with Russia.
73. Corn.
74. Country music legend Toby Keith.
75. Crunchy snacks for my big, flappy mouth.
76. Cultural appropriation.
77. Curly fries so good you quit ISIS.
78. Dating a Republican.
79. Death.
80. Déjà vu.
81. Déjà vu.
82. Denying climate change.
83. Doing ho shit.
84. Doing it doggy, no kissing.
85. Doing stuff bad.
86. Drake.
87. Driving to a Walmart parking lot and staring into the distance for eight hours.
88. Eating pussy bad.
89. Ejaculating a quart of hollandaise sauce.
90. Elon Musk.
91. Enticing a hummingbird to drink nectar out of my urethra.
92. Fascism.
93. Fat.
94. Fingering each other’s buttholes.
95. Foul vegan shits.
96. Free two-day shipping with Amazon Prime.
97. Fresh Air with Terry Gross.
98. Funneling money through a series of shell companies.
99. Getting #MeToo’d.
100. Getting banished to the Shadow Realm.
101. Getting depressed and super fat.
102. Getting fisted by a man with no fingers.
103. Getting half-hard and trying to smoosh it in.
104. Getting herpes from Bruce Willis.
105. Getting Mommy another beer.
106. Getting tanned, jacked, and juicy.
107. Going “oink oink” like a nasty little pig boy.
108. Good, clean Christian comedy.
109. Hard-hitting investigative journalism.
110. Having a wonderful time at the zoo.
111. Having no legs, just toes.
112. Having thirty sons named Chad.
113. Having tuna sandwiches with my favorite honkies.
114. Healthcare.gov.
115. Hiking up a hillside covered in bear semen yelling “I’m the queen of the forest!”
116. Hoopnugget, the game where you throw a nugget into a hoop.
117. How many bagels I can fit on my penis.
118. How quiet the forest is.
119. Huffing and puffing and blowing my stepdad.
120. Hunting white men for sport.
121. Hush money.
122. Interrupting women.
123. Jeremy and his stupid, annoying, dumb, hard, beautiful body.
124. Jörmungandr the World Serpent.
125. Joyless, wooden Soviet toys.
126. Just a Luna bar for lunch.
127. Kanye West but if he were an old Japanese farmer.
128. Korean barbecue.
129. Leading a country to war on false pretenses.
130. Leading children around with a magical flute.
131. Letting that pussy breathe.
132. Letting this loser eat me out.
133. Licking the toilet as Mistress commands.
134. Life.
135. Little Debbie and her mom, Full-Size Deborah.
136. Lotion.
137. Loving America.
138. Magic: The Gathering.
139. Making direct eye contact with a horse’s asshole.
140. Mark Zuckerberg.
141. Maybe getting a little involved in selling heroin sometimes.
142. Melania Trump.
143. Murdering our parents.
144. My buddy Jeff.
145. My daughter fucking my boyfriend.
146. My math teacher’s bulge.
147. My secret butt.
148. My son’s dipshit friends.
149. My son’s husband’s huge cock.
150. “My wife.
151. (in Borat voice)”
152. Naked Dad.
153. Netflix.
154. New DNA evidence exonerating OJ Simpson.
155. Nipples the size of CDs.
156. None of your damn business.
157. Nonsexual activities, such as roller skating.
158. Not being a part of my son’s life.
159. Oral.
160. Owing a lot of money to some very bad people.
161. Panda Express.
162. Panic and confusion.
163. Pissin’ me pants.
164. Politics.
165. Poppin’ that pussy.
166. Preparing my asshole for sex.
167. Pretending golf is fun.
168. Prison.
169. Pulling a sick, shit-covered raccoon out of the toilet and nursing it back to health.
170. Pulling the butt cheeks apart so the fart comes out quieter.
171. Pushing my boob up to lick the nipple.
172. Putting dirty dishes in the sink and hoping someone else deals with them.
173. Quality, affordable menswear.
174. Reparations for slavery.
175. Representing the entire Black community.
176. Respecting women.
177. Rubbing my clit with a handgun.
178. Sandwich.
179. Schindler’s List.
180. Setting boundaries with co-workers.
181. Sewing two hamsters together to make a Double Hamster Supreme.
182. Shit.
183. Shitting perfectly into a hot dog bun.
184. Slowly releasing a huge fart over the course of two minutes.
185. Sluts, whores, and bitches.
186. Small plates, or tapas if you will.
187. Some cracker-ass motherfucker.
188. Some light choking.
189. Square dancing with other racists.
190. Stapling a butterfly to a cow.
191. Staying hydrated.
192. Sticking my hard rat dick in my girlfriend’s wet rat pussy.
193. Substituting sweet potato fries for $2.
194. Sucking the caviar straight out of a fish’s pussy.
195. Suddenly feeling really sad for 40 years.
196. Swordplay.
197. Taking a dump.
198. Tar.
199. The Asshole Destroyer 3000.
200. The Audi Sign-and-Drive Sales Event.
201. The awesome power of the Lord.
202. The beautiful backpacks of JanSport.
203. The boy who sucks the farts out of my sweatpants.
204. The coming race war.
205. The current political climate.
206. The cutest fucking shoes I’ve ever seen.
207. The end of all life on Earth.
208. The express written consent of the National Basketball Association.
209. The fact that time is moving backwards right now and nobody’s noticing.
210. The harsh reality that all horses are people in horse costumes.
211. The incredible Gary, he’ll suck your nipples.
212. The kind of porn with poop.
213. The King of the Jews.
214. The little-known fact that Polish people don’t dream.
215. The man in the basement.
216. The man who fucks me and my wife.
217. The Moon.
218. The NRA.
219. The pelican that will one day eat Scarlett Johansson’s baby.
220. The persecution of Buddhists by the American-backed government of South Vietnam.
221. The pleasure of watching my boys wolf down my pot roast and scamper into the woods.
222. The rock after which Dwayne Johnson was named.
223. The South rising again.
224. The wonderful giant spoon known as “ladle.”
225. The world’s largest baby, weighing over 700 pounds.
226. The worm that ate my penis and is now my penis.
227. These breasts of mine.
228. This boring-ass white bitch from work.
229. This kid I found.
230. Thoughts and prayers.
231. Three men and three hot dogs.
232. Throwing a man by his big penis.
233. Thrusting and grunting.
234. Thumb, the King of the Fingers.
235. Tiny, sour kisses from a lemon dwarf.
236. Travolta.
237. Trees with human skin.
238. Turning poor people against each other so they don’t pay attention to economic inequality.
239. Twirling a cane, popping it into my anus, and giving a tip of the top hat.
240. Uncles.
241. Uncut daddy dick.
242. Violating the Geneva Convention.
243. Voldemort.
244. Voter suppression.
245. What looked like a chemical weapons facility but turned out to be a children’s hospital.
246. Women in positions of power.
247. Yo stanky ass.
248. Yogurt that moans in pleasure as you eat it.
249. Your little booty in them underpants.
250. Your mouth.
251. Yummy yummy yummy yummy rat pussy.
252. I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have is a very particular set of skills. Skills like . This ain’t no rodeo, kid. Mama knows her way around .
253. That was the worst sex I ever had. It was like twenty minutes of _.
254. JFK’s smiling, exploding head.
255. Masturbating to ISIS beheading videos.
256. My biological father.
257. Slavery.
258. Traditional gender roles.

Check out our CAH unofficial packs at Edition Cards shop!

Other Card Lists Recommendations 

Sure you love the Absurd Box! However, considering how fun all other CAH expansions are, check out our recommended card lists:  

1. Cards Against Humanity Hot Box card list
2. Cards Against Humanity Everything box card list
3. Cards Against Humanity Glow in the Card card list
4. Cards Against Humanity Red box card list
5. Cards Against Humanity Blue box card list
6. Cards Against Humanity Green box card list